Watched the Matt Frei thing last night on Donald Trump.

Been trying to figure him out…it’s really just one big vanity project for him, isn’t it?

And if the American nation gets drawn into Civil War #2, then what the hell…………..

And then I thought about what we (as writer – performers) do, and that’s just a vanity project, too. We like to see if we can get a reaction, just like Donald wants to. Can we make people giggle, smile, or simply think ……………….or (in Donald’s case) can we make them  angry?

A few get lucky, and make a few bob, but that’s not really why we’re in it. I’ve got a day job and I quite like it really.

So there you go – Donald and I …………………..him all billionaire-loaded, and me just getting-by, but both of us on some kind of vanity project. Both trying to get one stage further up Maslow’s cliché of over-taught models.

And hopefully, that’s the only thing I’ve got in common with Mr Trump.

(long pause).

“That was Thought For The Day, read by Jody Redmires.

Bink-bink-bink-bink-bink-biiiiinnnnnnkkk.

Its 8 O Clock. This is BBC Radio 4, and here are the news headlines……………………..”

Is everyone still in one piece?

I migrated from the North partly to get away from stuff like that.

Went for big walk this a.m.-

Big tree down across the Itchen Way near The Brewer on the Bridge.

A shoe shop on High St has lost half it’s roof.

Hopefully The Railway is still there – see you tomorrow night for some schmoetry.

Friday 25th March: The Art House, Cultural Quarter, Southampton

(it wont be too cultural by the time I’ve been and gone).

Tuesday 29th March: The Railway, Winchester

Well, that’s two venues, so I figured it’s a ‘tour’.

And they are both on the banks of the Itchen so the name sort of picked itself, really.

Wouldn’t bother tryin’ to find them on Ticketmaster, tho.

PS Can anyone gimme a lift to Southampton tomorrow nite?

The tour bus has developed a technical fault and my other vehicle is in a mates garage in Sheffield (I cant afford the Winchester City Council car parking fees).

Its OK. The train service is surprisingly good.

My first attempt at offending the sensibilities of the culturally-learned of Soton will be here:

What’s on listings

I’m taking a friend, so’s that way I will at least get a ripple of applause.

Or maybe not.

Chandlers Ford Chess Club Vs Winchester Chess Club.

Local derby.

It could get ugly.

I remember last time we played there – our players coach was stoned by an angry mob of CFCC supporters.

And even during the match the crowd are very vocal. When I fianchettoed my KB, [a fairly innocuous manouvre, one would have thought] I was taunted with derisory chants of  “Who are ya, who are ya?”. Apparently, they thought I was taking the p__s. Like Gascoigne in ’96.

But you know what I really want to do, is to go to Chandlers Ford tonight, and say to their team:

“You can have any colour you like……. as long as it’s black”.

If I’m black tonight I’m gonna go all Alekhine on my opponent if he 1. e4’s.

As Corporal Jones is fond of saying: They don’t like it up ’em.

But how many Universities can boast of grazing sheep on the roof of its lecture theatres?

I think it could catch-on………………………

Although “Why don’t we do it……” was a pile of sh_ – one of many such on the White Album. Think I would be embarrassed to own up to the copyright on that.

From the BBC website:

Sir Paul McCartney has filed legal papers in the US, as part of an attempt to reclaim the publishing rights to The Beatles’ back catalogue.

Although he co-wrote most of the band’s hits, the star has never controlled the publishing.

However, the US copyright act of 1976 gives writers the opportunity to reclaim the rights after 56 years.

The Lennon-McCartney catalogue becomes available in 2018, and Sir Paul has recently moved to recapture it.

According to Billboard, the star filed a termination notice for 32 songs with the US Copyright Office in December.

Most of the songs date from 1962 – 1964, although others come from much later in the band’s career. Some of those, including Come Together and Why Don’t We Do It In The Road, are not due to become available until 2025.

It’s coming to something when even the tories don’t like the tories.

And to think that only ten months ago Winchester elected a tory MP.

Again.

Creatures of habit, aintcha?

I blame all those Chandlers Ford peeps.

Despite the very recent addition to the clientele, and the company’s Starbucks- like attitude to Corporation Tax, I will continue to frequent my coffee bar of choice for the last three years, when up North.

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/exclusive-city-restaurant-firm-collapses-under-163-330-000-debts-burden-1-2577101

Look for the performance art slam-poetry in this.

It’s not difficult……………it’s everywhere.

Happy Blue Monday everyone……………