A day in the life of Will Savage

An extract – full article appears in Issue #3 of SMUG

[What is SMUG? – see ‘Housekeeping’ / ‘Links’]

When he invited me to spend a Friday in August with him, it was too juicy-an-apple to ignore. We met at his local golf club – South Winchester. The heavily-tanned Will had just finished a round of 18 with Simon Brewin, who was introduced as “both a close friend, and the future Wintonia Secretary of State for Education”.

Will generously tipped his caddy – Eddie from Eastleigh, who deferentially refers to ‘the gov’nor’ as ‘a very generous and warm man’.

Both Savage and Brewin insisted we retire to the ‘19th hole’, even though it was only noon. These would-be cabinet ministers helped themselves to a double Hendricks and tonic each. I stuck to the soft-stuff. I took the opportunity to ask Brewin about Wexit’s key education policies for Winchester. “We’re bringing back the eleven-plus” he said, before adding “except for Harestock – they’re all in-breds there, so no point – just one Sec/Mod should do them”.

After the G&T’s, I followed Savages Range Rover to his home in Littleton for lunch.

There is a young housekeeper, who appears to be of middle eastern origin; Savage notices me observing her. “Pretty little thing, isn’t she?” he quips.

“I was looking at that mark on her arm” I reply, in case he thought I had another ‘agenda’.

“Ah yes – she has a shady past – something to do with human trafficking. The wife and I are caring employers. We pay a full one pound per hour above the national minimum wage AND we pay her NI contributions……… so these people that suggest that ‘Wexiteers’ are racist really don’t know what they are taking about! Of course there is a place in society for these people, subject to very strict quotas and rules.

……….She came here with all these fancy ideas about what she might cook – goat in tomato, falafel-spiced this, weird-cranky that…….. It took us a few weeks to show her where and how to buy Hampshire hog, and how to cook it.

………We even allowed her to relax by the poolside this summer in her time-off, but she came downstairs wearing one of those bloody burkinis. Needless to say I told her to take it off at once – if I’m paying a pretty girl, I want to be able to look at her!”.