It’s a deal-breaker, Ben
You’re too Old-Speckled-Hen
And we’ve got three daughters
Destined for high-quarters
It’s a deal-breaker, Andy
Try lager-shandy
Your drunken antics
Are not at all romantic
It’s a deal-breaker, Montgomery
All that wordy-aplombery
…think you’re so fucking clever
In your literary endeavour
It’s a deal-breaker, Nathaniel
Your smelly old Spaniel
Just dumped on the front-lawn
I so-wish he wasn’t born
It’s a deal-breaker, Jacob
Take-off that make-up
…..and my new Jimmy Choo’s
Lest your balance, you lose
It’s a deal-breaker, Simon
Your ‘love’, I call ‘time’ on
I’m tired of those excursions
To vaginal diversions
It’s a deal-breaker, Tony
Don’t act like you own me
You don’t even know
I’ve been thinking: “If only…..”
It’s a deal-breaker, Nigel
All this spouting-the-bible
Thy religious fervour
Doth make me so nervous
Copyright Jody Redmires, 2014