It’s a deal-breaker, Ben

You’re too Old-Speckled-Hen

And we’ve got three daughters

Destined for high-quarters

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Andy

Try lager-shandy

Your drunken antics

Are not at all romantic

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Montgomery

All that wordy-aplombery

…think you’re so fucking clever

In your literary endeavour

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Nathaniel

Your smelly old Spaniel

Just dumped on the front-lawn

I so-wish he wasn’t born

 

 

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Jacob

Take-off that make-up

…..and my new Jimmy Choo’s

Lest your balance, you lose

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Simon

Your ‘love’, I call ‘time’ on

I’m tired of those excursions

To vaginal diversions

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Tony

Don’t act like you own me

You don’t even know

I’ve been thinking: “If only…..”

 

It’s a deal-breaker, Nigel

All this spouting-the-bible

Thy religious fervour

Doth make me so nervous

 

 

Copyright Jody Redmires, 2014