Basically Basingstoke
Here’s French Connection, there’s Fat Face
A grid-plan verdict on the human race
‘Black Friday’ morning, rain-sodden folk
Basically: Basingstoke
From Tie-Rack to Accessorize
Town planners don’t apologise
Retail units stapled, collated
TK Maxx, regurgitated
Shopfitter Andy screws and fixes
As shoplifter Sophie chooses and picks
From off the shelf in Superdry
And Clinton Cards, no longer piled-high
Magdalena from Lithuania
Sells Big Issues ‘neath the arcade
Where Tony the florist arranges his stall
Roses abundant, to keep them in-thrall
Tree-huggers protest the nakedly-mental
This Iceland, this Lakeland, this River Island
This sceptred-isle now looks so obscene
They’re painting Dixons dock-leaf green
Busker Tim rallentandos
Austin reads outside of Nando’s
Sits on a bench, searching for that joke
That becomes, basically, Basingstoke
Andy leers thru Superdrug glass
Towards Ann Summers, devoid of class
Touts her Knickerbox, paints her face
He’d Poundstretcher her little Paperchase
Sophie, her pockets replete with swag
Procures the aid of a Waitrose bag
For Waitrose doth hide a multitude of sins
Of plundered-assets that lie-within
Miss Selfridge looks frigid, the staff bored-rigid
Primark is now bang on the digit
Frequently underselling old John Lewis
And others that also seek to screw us
Its burgers (no gherkins) next to Dorothy Perkins
It’s time they renamed the Ferret and Firkin
Pigeons nod-dance their way in and out
Of Magdalena’s legs as she goes without
Then confidently strides into Costa
An incognito penniless imposter
Dries off,warms up, swipes milk and sugar
Trained Baristas pretend not to discover
Busker Tim finally calls time
On Dylanesque terpischorean rhyme
No contract for him, its pay as you go
Twelve pounds forty? – not much to show
Austin puts down his Daily Mail
Unfinished crossword tells the tale
Once crossed a box to ‘take back control’
Now signs in a box for fortnightly dole
Tony the florist abhors November
His stall, he now starts to dismember
Black Friday brought for him no sunshine
But just ten weeks till Valentine’s
Sophie has learnt how to de-tag CD’s
Adele, Ed Sheeran, Three degrees
Incongruous exit towards HIgh St.
And anonymity, amnesty, impunity
Andy, now tired, and fully-thumb-splintered
Goes home to shower, resolves to get wankered
Phones up the lads, do they fancy a skinful?
A few in the Angel then a bit of ‘sinful’?
John Lewis closes, management proposes
A bonus for staff, all presupposing
Shoppers go home, tardily heeding
Credit limits pushed, even exceeded
Meanwhile, over in The Bounty
Low-paid bar staff contemplate mutiny
Russell Bromley tries it on with Emily
With ‘come here often?’ repartee
Later, Andy’s in Wonderland
His own White Stuff cost half a grand
Again, he’s on the powder scene
Thru a rolled-up picture of the Queen
Takes command of the nightclub floor
But the girls aren’t looking anymore
Spilt Charlie marks his suit-bespoke
For this, this…is basically Basingstoke
Copyright Jody Redmires, 2017
