Of Squid, and Men

So now, the North Sea and Channel are warmer than they were ten years ago, and its proving attractive to squid?

I’ve got a bit of a problem with all these Southern European squid – comin’ over ere’, helping themselves to OUR water.

What’s wrong with the Bay of Biscay, or the Western Med?

It’s called the ENGLISH channel for a reason.

Good ol’ British Cod and Haddock can’t hunt for Whiting and Mackerel without bumping into a shoal of Spanish Squid who got up at four in the morning, just so’s they can grab the best patches of Viking, Forties and Dogger for themselves

I mean, it’s not like they try to integrate or anything. They don’t even make a token attempt at learning Cod-dish.

Comin over ere, wearing those little squiddy hijab-hoodie things…..

Feckin comin’ over ‘ere, with their tentacles, bringing their inky ways and their slimy, underhand (under-tentacle) customs.

Feckin comin’ over ere, with their famed ability to turn good honest hardworking, fresh white pasta pitch-black with just one slimy, inky secretion, incapable of looking you in the eye, of a firm handshake, or of standing their round at the bar.

– Lets have Border Control at Portland, Wight and Finistere.

“British waters for British aquatics” is what I always say.

I also say:

“Our primary concern should be to refrigerate the North Sea by 2 degrees centigrade so-as to keep the ugly, inky, stinky, slimy, foreigner bastard-squid out”.

They are not even refugees, they are just economic migrants….there’s plenty of crustaceans and small invertebrates in the warmer seas.

Copyright Jody Redmires, 2016

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