We could have scrambled eggs and salmon……
With a salad, and Parma ham on
Hey, you’ll never guess where I am
On November the twenty-fourth!
I’m chairing a global seminar
They’re filming it for a webinar
So they can watch it from afar
In those Universities up-north
There’ll be Professor Schmidt from Ghent
Thinks he’s bloody heaven-sent
A disciple, on the scent
Of the truth he deigns to hold forth
And old Prof. Aardvark from Harvard
Same gene-pool as Alan B’Stard
Grabs the mike just to hear his own voice
Thinks he’s James flippin’ Joyce
And gangly Professor Poliakof
(Could you please turn the gas ring off)?
Twenty years ago he was having it off
With a student at viva-voce
And Bird with his theories-absurd
Although by now its common word
That his assistant used The Carpets-Inspiral
For that ‘Madchester’ article now going viral
He tarted-up the Lit review
Then decided to add his name, too
So we gave him moral opprobrium
At the last doctoral colloquium
Claims it wasn’t all his fault
(Will you pass the Himalayan Pink salt?)
Said it was pressure from above
To produce REF-output, hand-in-glove
There’ll be ‘Jesus’ Jones from Warwick
A regular dandy in aspic
All larks-tongue and bullshit
…………eyeing his final pension salary
And old Doctor Ogle from Keele
His later work gained appeal
After he stopped writing with Beale
(Could you please chop up the celery?)
Copyright Jody Redmires, 2016